1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your
spouse.
2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table
in front of her kids.
3.---You've been married three times and still have the same
in-laws.
4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a
different night.
5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
6.---You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch
this."
8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9.---Your junior prom had a day-care.
10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
Gentlemen, start your engines."
12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right
off its wheels.
13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending
on how much gas is in it.
14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie
at the House of Tattoos.
17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
against it.
18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
