* Since his own recent messy divorce, your lawyer has been using his
car for an office.
* Your spouse's lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes
with twenties.
* The judge is seriously considering your spouse's request for
custody of your immortal soul.
* Your spouse's attorney is seeking the death penalty.
* Your mother's name appears on your wife's witness list.
* Your portion of the settlement so far: The Commodore 64, the Chia
pets and the Wham! CD collection.
* Jerry Springer cancelled your appearance, citing "Safety Concerns."
* In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.
